Confidence

True core confidence comes from understanding yourself fully and realizing that all parts of you are ok. True confidence is what a child feels before any social conditioning, it is our natural state. To have confidence is to have a strong sense of belonging and certainty which goes hand in hand with self-esteem.

What exactly is confidence?

To have a stable mind is to have a strong feeling of belonging and certainty. These are things that someone with confidence enjoys. They are resilient, and have the ability to get things done, they put themselves out there and never take “no” for an answer. They are able to walk through life knowing, things will go their way. This is essential to getting the most out of life. Yet not many seem to possess it in today’s society. It stems from a set of beliefs, which lead to a set of feelings, then to a set of actions that allow you to have full faith, and conviction, about yourself and your environment.

There are two types of confidence. The first one is something I am sure you have felt, situational confidence. This is the positive feeling you get from something outside yourself. When you purchase new clothes, have a high status job, or when you own an expensive watch. This is the confidence that comes from outside of you. Now, it is totally fine, there is nothing wrong with trying to better yourself as a person, but why do you need to get something to be able to feel confident. Why can’t you feel this way with nothing at all? You can. This is known as core confidence.

Core confidence is the confidence we were all born with, it is our birthright. It comes from a set of beliefs and feedback, which provide you with a confident feeling all of the time. It is the ability to feel at ease when you don’t have anything. The feelings that you know you are “good enough”. Would you feel confident to walk up to a girl with dirty clothes? Not many would. This is actually an issue, not a matter of social norms. This is a lack of core confidence. This is not fully understanding that you are “enough”.

Core confidence gives you:

  • Assuredness

  • Good posture

  • Good eye contact

  • Staying true to yourself

  • Self esteem

  • Pride in the way you look

  • Standing up for others

  • Assertiveness

  • No fear of asking for help

  • Thinking positively

  • Resilience

  • Good social skills

  • Easily face their fears

  • Ability to build a life they love

The question remains. “Well why would I do anything if I already feel good enough?

Confident people are not the types of people to sit at home in the dark. This is what depression looks like. Someone with core confidence has a burning desire to engage with the world, because they believe, and know, that the world will benefit from them being involved in it. This can be hard to understand, if you have low confidence but the feeling is amazing.

Both people who aren’t confident, and very confident people, can be motivated, but it’s the place its coming from. Once massive core confidence has been developed, you will be motivated not by desperation, which is motivation not unlike needing to run away from the wolf biting at your feet, but by inspiration. You will begin to want to do amazing things just because they are amazing. You won’t have the desire to run away from something, but move toward it. You will feel a massive urge to engage with life and never shy away. This means you will feel less anxiety, and much more wonder and curiosity.

What is Low Confidence?

This is the complete opposite, depending on how low your confidence is, we might as well call it depression.

Low confidence comes from a lack of trust, and faith in yourself as well as your abilities. This makes you feel stifled, uneasy and scared a lot of the time. Unfortunately, this is the state most people are in. Even worse is that it is ok. In modern society it is so easy for people to live with low confidence, they are able to distract themselves with endless TV shows. They can lie, and get validation by uploading a fake persona to instagram, showing something that is more impressive than their actual lives. You can pretend to be a happy person when in actuality lives a quiet life of desperation. Because of this, it isn’t hard to get the good feelings that confidence brings. These luxuries used in this way come at a cost. People have no leverage or pain to improve themselves. Today stagnation is accepted, and growth is seen as weird.

With this in mind, it’s time to ask yourself. Do you have low confidence?

Do you:

  • Feel stifled throughout your day?

  • Do you slouch when walking?

  • Do you avoid eye contact?

  • Are you easily swayed in your opinion?

  • Feel boring when clothes shopping or taking a shower?

  • Talk quietly and softly?

  • Let others tell you what to do?

If you related to anything on this list, you are sadly in the majority. You probably have a tough time socializing and struggle achieving your goals. However, the good thing is that now you are aware. That is the first step. You may start to think about your habits, and whether you drink or smoke to avoid your inner dialogue. You may be beginning to understand that these dopamine spikes that feel so good in the moment are just addressing the symptoms, not your underlying condition. But eventually you have to face it. You will have to go deep inside yourself, to the uncomfortable parts of your mind, and have a look around. This can be unpleasant at first, depending on how bad your mindset is, but the more you release the more you will start to enjoy the process.

Now is the time to stop escaping this reality and start fixing it, because it is very possible for you to become a confident person, however crazy this may seem to you. It is possible for you to become that expressive, engaging guy or girl, but you have to admit where you are at and understand things can improve. You have to take responsibility and work at it.

The antidote to low confidence

Obviously, I am not saying throw all of your possessions away, quit showering and then somehow you will become confident, no. These things are necessary in life, and striving to improve your situation is a good idea. However, let’s stop trying to optimize our unhelpful mindset and create a better one.

What I am saying is that you must reconnect with that innate confidence. The confidence that has been conditioned out of you by society, if you do this, you no longer feel a need for acceptance or approval. Your behavior will not be motivated by desperation, and the fact you feel you are missing something. Living like this will never lead to confidence. The underlying issue needs to be fixed, the reasons why you don’t feel enough need to be found and destroyed.

This will leave you with feelings of fun, looseness and engagement with life that someone with true confidence enjoys every day. That ability to feel certain in everything you do, because you know you are already enough. Guided meditation sessions are great for this, they will find the reasons why you think you are not enough, and then push them to the surface, so that they can be dealt with. The more you do this the more core confidence you will feel, the more fun you will have. Life will feel a lot lighter. We will discuss about your issues and then work with positive affirmations. These new beliefs will sink into your subconscious, causing you to view life more positively. Your core confidence mindset will begin to form, and the results in your daily life will be unimaginable. So, what are you waiting for?

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